that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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