it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
