Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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