god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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