I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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