porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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