i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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