my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
