Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
