If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
