so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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