There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
But we have bathrooms and they dont
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
