watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
