I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
