Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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