i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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