I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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