porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
