Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
