New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
