DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
