it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
