It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
