she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You did what with his pubic hair?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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