I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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