I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
