I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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