How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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