We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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