omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
