If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
