you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
