i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
