Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize