You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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