Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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