wakey wakey hands off snakey
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
