I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
