Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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