I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
