Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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