Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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