why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
