I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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