i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
