the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
