apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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