my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize