very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
