take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
