I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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