I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize