Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
