I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
