not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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