my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
