I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
