Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
