now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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