He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize