ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
