My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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