I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
