Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
