I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
