is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
