I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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