Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
