its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
