I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
