her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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