I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
