Michael Bay diarrhea
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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