You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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