you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
