idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
