Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
