soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
