I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
