Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
