She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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