i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
