lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
