I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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