Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize